Closure
by rougescribe
Summary: After the war, but before her book was published, Lucy had made a decision, but an unspoken issue between Natsu and Lucy is simmering beneath the surface and her new goals may have set the timer to an explosion. Written for Cutest-Celestial-Princess on tumblr! Nalu


It wasn't what he wanted to hear.

It opened the path to dreams and fears Natsu thought he had shoved deep inside to rot and be forgotten.

"There's this really good job, and it's out farther than I've traveled before; I think it's a good chance to find Aquarius!"

How could something sound so positive and be so horrible all at once?

"Awesome! Let's get Happy and go already!"

"Uhmm… about that…"

The fire in his belly was drenched to soaking embers with the fewest of words.

"_**You're not coming with me."**_

Just a few months after the war. A few months of tepid peace, rebuilding and settling down into a pattern many hadn't enjoyed in what felt like years. The Alvarez War was not a long one. It would not go down in the history books as a 100 years war, but the survivors certainly felt aged. Time slowly crawled away, eroding the burdens and worries with tiny chips from a well-worn chisel. Many Guild Members fell back to their routine as if nothing had changed.

Others… looked upon the rest of their life with a newfound goal. Lucy had been hiding away in her apartment, diligently writing every chance she could. When she wasn't, Lucy was at the guild, staring at the newly added Job postings with an intensified interest. Many times Natsu offered for them to head out, leave Magnolia for a few jobs- revert back to a pattern they could be comfortable with.

She denied them each time. At one point, Happy even claimed she was 'avoiding' them, and while that thought forced a frown from Natsu, Lucy had denied it fervently. However, seeing her eyes gleam, excitement pulling just beneath the surface, threatening to explode while fingers all but pinched and crinkled the request in her hands, Natsu realized the truth.

Lucy wasn't avoiding- she was planning.

"Hah- good one Lucy," He forced out, laughing at what he hoped to be a joke, "But we're always a team, and teams go together!"

Her silence screamed volumes. Shoulders tensed under the weight of his own arm as Natsu leaned on her, desperately trying to find the lie in her words. There was none. Sheepishly, she pulled away from his proximity, guilt suffusing her features now that he could look at her better. Folding the request, Lucy stuffed it in her purse, bottom lip pulling beneath her teeth as she nibbled worriedly against it.

This wasn't how it was supposed to go. They were a team, now more than ever! Even if Erza, Gray or Wendy didn't come along (but of course they should if available-), they were supposed to do all their jobs together! Isn't that what things were culminating to for all these years? Didn't Lucy used to wait for him to be ready for jobs so they could go together? Didn't he and Happy always find the ones with rewards that would best help her with her rent? That was how things went, and how he had always expected them to go.

"I'm not kidding." Her tercid tone froze him better than Gray's ice ever could, smile dropping as he stared. Natsu could hear the tapping of her foot against the hardwood, echoing above the den of chatter in the hall. If he hadn't been distracted by the strange words falling from her mouth, he would have noticed all present were creening their heads over, desperately trying to listen in.

"I want to do this for me." Lucy pressed on, sighing as if all her earlier willpower had drained. "I've already talked to my landlady about it and she's willing to put a stop to my rent payments. Just as long as I do a downpayment before leaving. I can do that. And then I won't have to worry for months!"

Months? She was talking as if- Natsu's mouth felt dry and a low whine escaped him, "You're talkin' like this job is gonna take ya' forever, Lucy-"

"It is!" Lucy snapped, pointing a finger at him, "No offense, Natsu, but my world does NOT revolve around you. I have goals, plans! And I intend to see them through. This job isn't supposed to take a long time, but it's in a good place to search for Aquarius and that's exactly what I intend to do! **Alone**."

The icy tone in her voice was throwing him off. Why did she sound so bitter, so angry? There were many reasons Natsu could come up with (all revolving around the separation she suffered from breaking her key), but not a single one explained the treatment he was currently getting. Had he… done something to upset her?

Eyes glanced to the telltale marks of an old corruption spidering up her arm and Natsu's stomach churned. Though Gray had protected her from the Book of E.N.D. the slight hints of damage were still there. While he didn't want to consider how his own weakness could have caused those damages, Natsu was realizing that maybe he had more to own up to.

"Look, Lucy, I-" how could he even explain this uncomfortable feeling in his chest? She was strong enough to take care of herself, that he knew, but leaving for months? Where he couldn't be there in case she needed him? Where they couldn't laugh and tease or just enjoy the life they had now that the biggest threat in their lives was over?

"I don't get why ya think ya can just leave me alone like that."

Those were not the right words to say and Natsu was unprepared for the bitter dam he'd broke loose.

Lucy had gone silent, jaw open- looking as if she'd been slapped. Blinking her eyes rapidly, she struggled to form words, Natsu's own had fallen from his lips without truly thinking about it and he crossed his arms stubbornly. Since they helped bring the Guild back together, after all they fought and struggled for, she was wanting to just… run off on her own? He didn't like it. He didn't have a way to explain why it left a bad taste in his mouth, but it did- and he saw no reason why he shouldn't say so.

"... You," She seethed, voice gutterral, rising in volume as she took a step forward, right into his space, poking a digit into his chest with so much force, he almost stepped back. Pink brows rose under the fringe of his hair as Natsu stared in shock, not expecting the absolute rage in Lucy's eyes, "-Inconsiderate. **JERK!**"

He stepped back then- forced to by her hand shoving him, advancing against him as he realized, too late, what he had done. Tears were glistening in the corner of her eyes. From sadness? Anger? Natsu couldn't get a read on the fluctuating emotions as her pointed nail dug briefly into his skin through the fabric of his jacket. "Oi- Lucy! Hold up there- "

She interrupted, "Don't you TRY and calm me down!" She finally backed off, dark gaze turning towards the rest of the guild, many of the eavesdroppers glanced away sheepishly- whistling to themselves. Others (Like Mirajane and Erza) goggled from their locations with wide, disappointed eyes. Lucy didn't seem to notice. Not then. And she wouldn't for awhile. "Don't you remember what I told you back in Amefurashi Village? How I felt during the entire YEAR you had left?!"

Her voice was shaky and it lost its loud tempo with every word, cracking when she released the explosion bubbling at the tip of her tongue. "You don't get to tell me if I can leave you alone or not. I don't care what's happened since then. You don't get to say that. Not now. **Not. ever**."

Natsu felt his mouth run dry, his blood cold. It wasn't a feeling he was used to, but the wind had been knocked from him by Lucy's words as his eyes darted back and forth between her and the guild around them, unsure of what he could say. Yes, he remembered Amefurashi Village. The bitterness in her tone when she had snapped at him for his unthinking words against Gray. Juvia had interrupted their moment of tension, but that didn't overlap his memory. The look on Lucy's face was all he needed to cement it into his mind.

Not only that, but the memory of her forlorn expression as she slept, finally relieved to see him and Happy again, with only a wall of all her attempts for contact to keep her company. Those memories came hand in hand and Lucy's reminder stole all words from him. In that moment he realized just how far he had overstepped. "- Lucy, I didn't mean that-"

She cut him off with a finger pointing to his nose, practically hissing in her rage. "You know what? _**I don't want to hear it**__!_"

The click-clack of her heels echoed through the hall. Lucy turned from him in one fluid motion, her words stabbing him like tiny knives with each stomp against the wood floor. The silence in the Guild was palpable, interrupted only by the slam of the doors, as she made her exit. The walls shook and every interloper took in a breath, their gazes falling on Natsu in bafflement.

"You really stuck your foot in a pile of it now." Macao mumbled, scratching his neck awkwardly.

"Ehh, you shouldn't worry too much about it," Wakaba joined in, "Girl's like to blow up, but they get over it quickly enough. Even my wife- " He was silenced by a sharp elbow to his ribs from Macao.

Natsu barely heard either of them. His head was buzzing from Lucy's words. It wasn't her anger that floored him. Oh no, he could handle that- he could accept her frustration. This wasn't just anger or a bomb exploding to calm down later. He had seen what no one else had, the glitter of pain in her narrowed eyes. The hint of water shining in the irises before she forcefully blinked them back as she turned away. She hadn't stomped off from her anger. Lucy had left to hide her tears.

He had hurt her. Natsu had hurt Lucy. He felt like vomiting.

At first, Natsu considered chasing after her, already stepping forward to start his pursuit- but a quick snap of his name from Erza, froze him in place, jaw clenching tight as his teeth ground together. It was hard not to continue, his clenched fists were testament to the inner struggle to rush after his best team mate and make everything right again, but how?

"While I absolutely believe she deserves an apology," Erza said, moving to his side , her voice was harsh, angry and Natsu didn't blame her, "I don't agree with you charging after her like this. Give her the space she obviously wants and think for a change, won't you?"

Natsu didn't have it in him to argue the jab. His energy deflated, eyes meeting Happy's from the nearest counter. The blue Exceed had barely begun eating the fish he'd been given, worry and hurt distracting him. With a noncommittal shrug, he moved to sit by his flying partner, shoulders sagging as a puff of steam blew from his lips. It would have been so easy to turn around and challenge Erza just then, but the idea was an old one, something he'd done often in the past to release emotions he dared not speak out loud.

Often he would release his anger, sadness, inner fears and loss of hope, into the brawls he instigated and joined. It was a quick release that refreshed him and reminded Natsu that his heart was still beating, that he and those around him were still alive. He could shovel his concerns and what had bothered him and others under a thick rug in his mind after a good fight- finding other ways to bring smiles to his and everyone's faces.

How often had he been kicked from Lucy's apartment, suffered a loss or grew angry at some random enemy mistreating her, only to turn around and fight Gray and Gajeel to calm down- ? How often did he return to Lucy with a goofy grin, jokes and crazy antics to distract her and reassure her that everything would be okay? Too often. He couldn't count the times on his fingers. (Not even his toes for that matter.)

"Way to go, Flame Brain," Gray said from behind, voice cold and taunting. "I'd have punched you if I were Lucy. How stupid can you get?"

Natsu knew what Gray was doing. The insult was well-deserved, but also done with purpose. It was the very invitation Natsu often took and needed, but rather than stride through the wide open door of Gray's challenge, he merely tilted his head to glance at his fellow mage and frowned. He didn't have the energy. Not now. It had seeped through his bones the very moment Lucy had slammed the door.

"Gray," Erza snapped, causing the other mage to freeze in place, "Not. Now ."

"Uh- yeah, right. Sorry!"

Natsu's answer was to slam his head against the counter and groan.

.

The day had looked to be a good one. With a bright sun, hardly any clouds and perfect wind to keep a person cool. With the sun just below the horizon and stars starting to blink out in the sky, the mood was a complete one-eighty. Erza hadn't allowed Natsu to leave until she was certain Natsu knew what he wanted to. ("There will be NO bothering Lucy if you're going to speak thoughtlessly again!") It was hard to be patient, and while he craved the distraction of a good brawl, Natsu had listlessly sulked at the bar instead.

Now, he wondered if he needed a few more hours to sulk before he ventured into Lucy's apartment. Coming up to the building he could recognize blindfolded, he readjusted his scarf and grimaced.

"You know you can just try in the morning, Natsu." Happy said. He stood at Natsu's feet, his own frown on his face while he glanced towards Lucy's window. "I'm sure she'll be willing to forgive you then! Oh, we can even bring her a gift!"

That could possibly work, but Natsu had a feeling he knew exactly what sort of gift Happy had in mind.

"A big fish!"

Yup.

Despite the low mood, Natsu grinned. Count on Happy to help even just a little. Kneeling down to pat the Exceed on his blue head, he shook his head and tilted his gaze towards the window he often climbed through. "I don't think that's gonna work this time, buddy. And I think I've avoided this long enough."

"What do you mean?" Happy blinked owlishly, but Natsu didn't give an explanation. The two had been through so much and stayed by each other the year he had traveled. Above everyone, Happy knew and understood his fears and intentions, but that understanding could only go so far.

"Don't worry about it." Stretching, he rolled his shoulders and pointed towards his goal. "Think you can get me up there? Probably best you don't stay for this just in case, but I'll send ya' a signal when the coast is clear!"

"Aye, sir!" The rustling of magic to unfurl his wings was swift, and with well-timed practice, the two were in the air and elevated to the window of Lucy's bedroom. So many times she had told him to use the door and there had been a few times he had actually listened - when he got there first.

Most of his window attempts were done just to tease her after her initial complaints, at some point, his blonde partner had stopped complaining and often expected his entrances. Today, he hoped for similar. Natsu had never feared she would lock the windows on him before, but the worry niggled into the back of his brain. It would be far too easy to bust it open if he'd been out for more reasons to anger his partner, but this was a mission to clear the air, not exacerbate their issues.

Natsu felt relief surge through him as the window clicked open. She hadn't locked it after all! Exhaling, he lifted his thumb to happy and waved him off. With a whispered 'good luck!', his partner flew off in the direction of the guild and Natsu steeled himself for the true challenge of the night. He slid the frame upward and quickly moved in, careful not to rustle the mattress or knock items over.

He was surprised not to find her at her desk. Even more so stunned at the amount of papers littering the floor, some crumpled and others torn. Lucy had never been one to be messy. (That was his job!) Natsu's stomach churned at the realization that his actions caused such a change in her own routine and he quickly examined the rest of the room, trying to pinpoint his teammate's location. The lights had yet to be lit, casting dark shadows over the furniture and he clicked his tongue. " - Lucy? Are, are ya' here?"

He could smell her, but figured he'd ask. The sudden sniffle from the front of her couch caught his attention and slowly, a disheveled blonde peered up from the cushions, eyeing him with narrowed eyes. "Go away, Natsu."

He almost stepped back through the window, but closed it behind him as he began his trek across the room. She told him to go away, and many times in the past he had ignored such orders until she'd thrown him out. Age had told him to take her words into account more often, but the fact that she hadn't barred his entrance was all the communication he needed. Lucy would be willing to talk.. If he only had the right words.

"I wanted to-" He began, fumbling over his words, "I just wanted to say that…. Uh- I didn't mean to, that is-" Where had this rambling come from? Snorting, he took another step towards her and muttered, "I wanted t'say sorry."

A heavy silence filled the air. Lucy's eyes stayed focus on him as she kept her face pressed against the back of her seat. The low-light had made features hard to distinguish at first, but now Natsu could see the puffiness and redness in her gaze. She wasn't at present, but he knew tears had stained those cheeks some time ago. It doubled the tumultuous sickness in his stomach and he struggled to swallow.

Finally, Lucy moved, turning her back to him to settle herself into the cushion. She didn't repeat her earlier order and her fingers drummed along her arms impatiently. With a huff, Lucy said, `` - do you even know what you're apologizing for?"

Oh he knew, but it made his throat thicken all over again- as if a ball had been lodged into his throat, suffocating the five inside, smothering him. Why were emotions and words so difficult to say?

"You don't do you?" Lucy's voice cracked, he couldn't see her face, but Natsu could picture it as if she were standing before him. Her words came out in waves, full of emotion- anger, sadness, just at the cusp of spilling out. "You just think, you can waltz right in here, apologizing and things are going to go back to normal so you can tease me again and have a grand ole time, but you're wrong! Not this time. We can't ALWAYS pretend things aren't upsetting us, you know!"

She was rambling, giving Natsu the answer to his earlier thoughts. Lucy had always rambled when upset, embarrassed even, but Natsu could hear the rise of tone and knew everything he intended would be kicked out the window if he didn't act fast, but what could he do? What would he do? What… what would Lucy do?

Natsu had always been better with actions than words and he crossed the floor in a few steps, hearing Lucy's words, but not processing them as he moved. In a flurry of movement that sent the tassels of his scarf swooping over her blonde head. His arms encircling her shoulders from behind, cut off all complaints as she choked on her words. Her scent was overpowering, with his nose pressed against the back of her ear, feeling the softness of her hair.

"I- .. Natsu-" Lucy swallowed, tried to find more words as her face slowly began to turn a few shades red, "What are you doing?"

"I'm sorry." He said. His tone absolute. It wasn't enough. He knew it wasn't, but the firmness, the fact he wasn't crawling on the floor in an attempt to make it funny, deviate with humor, this was him: serious.

"Y-you can't just h-hug me and make it all go away," She hiccupped and Natsu realized the emotions were spilling over again, but he chose not to notice. Lucy was embarrassed and confused enough, without his teasing. His grip only tightened, a gentle squeeze as he lowered his voice.

"I know." He said. "It ain't like I think this is enough, I just… I really suck at this, Lucy, and I'm not sure if there's anything I can say t'make it better." He was sure going to try despite his doubts. "I remember everything ya' said back then. Ya' looked so," _Bitter, hurt, annoyed_ , "I HAD to leave then. At least I thought I did."

There were many nights he wondered if he had made a mistake. It wasn't often that Natsu questioned his decisions, usually trusting his gut decisions to lead him down the right track, but after his return? Guilt ate at him like a virus, but he had shoved it away the same as he had done for every negative feeling he had felt for years. How could he be strong if he let things get to him? How could he be dependable? The one Lucy and everyone else could always count on? Back then, he felt there was no other way and even now, breaking through his own inadequacies made his words jumble over themselves.

"No." Lucy answered, she sniffled and wiped her eyes. "You didn't. You could have stayed. You could have been honest or- or… did more than leave me a note! You have no idea how long I looked for you that day! How much I WANTED to go too and you- !"

She fell silent, biting back her words as she untangled herself from his arms. It left a strange sensation of emptiness within him, but he didn't try to pull her back. Lucy was turning to face him, the extent of her emotions plain on her face. Red cheeks from tears and embarrassment he first noticed, but her bottom lip was quivering, constantly being gnawed between her teeth. It took everything in his body not to lean further to pull her lip down, saving it from the assault. Now wasn't the time.

"You already know I lost Aquarius," She stated, arms crossing while her shoulders quivered. "You know how important she is to me, Natsu. What ALL my spirits mean to me. And I.. I- … " Her tears dribbled down, dripping off her chin and an almost frantic, tragic whine issued with her next words, "_I broke her to save you! __**To save Everyone**_!"

That was it, the dam of strength, the final resolve. It bashed against the hammer of her words and she sobbed, covering her face from the force of her tears. "I wasn't strong enough and had to-to… do that to her, and you just.. You .. left and I was so.. So…"

Natsu knew without her having to finish: _Alone_.

He licked his lips, attempting to dislodge the words on the tip of his tongue. Her words were like blows striking against him, but with a fierce glare, he jumped over the couch, grasping her shoulders to regain her focus as he hissed, "Lucy! You're not weak. You took on Tartaros by yourself and saved all our asses! I wasn't there for it, but I knew it when I came to. I just knew it. Don't blame yourself for that!"

_Accuse me. I'm the one to blame. I'm the one who left._ _**I'm the one who ran**__._ "I'm the one who wasn't strong, I couldn't protect you. I couldn't protect anyone- I couldn't save my Dad!" When did his own tears start to fall? They stung his eyes, burned like his fire, but he forced his gaze on her, refused to blink.

He couldn't save Igneel. That was the truth. He had to stand there and watch as Acnologia ripped his father in half. Even after the death of the Dragon King, the pain and the memory stung like a thousand knives, it took his breath away. Inhaling sharply, his fingers lost their grip, falling loosely to his side. Natsu could hardly see the look on Lucy's face through his blurred eyes. "What… what good was I t'anyone like that Lucy? I keep.. I keep goin' through it over and over again, but there was nothing I could do. And if I took ya' with me? Then I'd want to go home so much more, want to goof off, not take things seriously, I couldn't.. I… I didn't think I was good enough to be anyone's partner then Lucy. I-"

_I made a mistake. I know I did._ "I didn't realize how stupid I was until I came back- I still don't know if I'd do anything different, but I know I messed up, I know I did- but…"

A softness of slim digits interrupted him, reaching out to straight his scarf before Lucy's face crashed against his chest, fingers digging into the fabric like a lifeline. She was in his arms again and he wasted no time in holding her close. This was a comfort. This was something they both needed, and he sucked in more air, matching Lucy sniffle for sniffle. He hated crying. Hated showing emotion. He hated seeing her cry even more.

"We're both stupid." She mumbled, but no explanation came. Not then. Emotions spilled between them then. No words, only the comfort of each other as their bodies slid to the couch- grips tight around the other as they released the pent of feelings they had buried inside their hearts for over a year. It was a new experience for Natsu- having only unloaded his full emotions to Happy during their times away from the Guild, but with Lucy? Somehow, the release felt somehow… cathartic. Like a rubber band snapping back into place after being strung tight for too long.

When their tears dried, sobs settled and breaths grew even, Natsu and Lucy were tangled together on her couch. Partially laying atop him, Lucy breathed into his neck, and his legs felt stiff from the awkward angle, but he kept his hold against her. The room had grown darker, bringing the silence of night down upon the room, but he could light the room later.

Absentmindedly, his fingers ran through her golden locks. It was a soothing sensation, one that calmed him. Lucy's body relaxed at the movements and she sucked in air she couldn't claim through her earlier sobs. With the well of their emotions now emptied, the explosion changed to a weariness that threatened to put the two to sleep.

"Lucy?" Natsu broke the silence, fingers pausing in their movement as he stared at the ceiling so his eyes could adjust to the light.

It took her a moment before she answered, as if the edges of sleep were fighting to keep her quiet. She didn't bother moving her head, certain he'd hear regardless. "Mmm, what is it?"

"Please take me and Happy with you."

She stiffened and the room grew tense again. Natsu bit his tongue, suddenly anxious. Instead of snapping as he expected, she pushed up to look him in the eye, tired eyes waiting. "Why?"

More words, but he'd already emptied himself out. What more could he say? He wet his lips, eyes flicked to the wall and back again as he wiped his palms on the cushion beneath him. "It hurt being away from you." He admitted, cheeks heating up against his will, "and you were upset too. I just… think-" words she had spoken years ago sprang to his mind and he jumped on them, "I think it's better when we're together."

Was it unfair? Perhaps, but he meant it. Meant it as much as she on the day she had spoke those words. He didn't doubt she felt the same. He was positive she did, and the way her lips finally curved into a small smile assured him of that.

"You know, I wanted to go alone so I could try and get stronger and finish my book," She said, blowing a strand of hair from her face. It fell back a moment later and she frowned. "I don't know if I'll find Aquarius when I go, but I want to believe I will. I didn't just decide to go on my own to spite you or anything."

"I know." Natsu said. He reached up to tuck the strand behind her ear, gaze faltering. "If you're sure you don't want me and Happy with you, fine. I'll accept it. I just…"

Like her, he didn't want to feel alone. With the guild, the rest of their team, he was never truly alone, he knew that. Just as Lucy had her spirits, but somehow things felt duller, less bright, when the three of them were apart. He felt it, but did she?

She flopped against him, the tips of her ears bright red, but the sudden movement took the breath out of him. Natsu tilted his head and waited, wondering if this lack of response was her way of denying him again. He would relent, if that was the case, but he wasn't the greatest at reading her, especially in moments like these. Just when he was about to accept the silence as an 'I'll answer in the morning' and close his eyes, Lucy gave her answer.

"Okay."

"What?" Even with great hearing, that didn't mean he could always trust what he heard.

Lucy huffed, a soft giggle breathing against his ear. "You both can come. - but I lead, got it?"

Exhilaration filled him and he laughed- relief echoing into the room like a heated balm. His chest heaved from his boisterous cackle and his arms settled around her once again. Later, she might struggle away from him in embarrassment. Morning would come and they'd be just as they were before- best friends, with maybe a hint of more, maybe not.

For now, they just were- and Natsu couldn't be happier.

"You're the boss."

Both dozing off, emotions and energy spent- Natsu took one last glance towards Lucy as her breathing grew even, face tilted to reveal the flushed, puffy cheeks. He readjusted them both for his legs to fit over the armrest and yawned. Unfortunately, just as sleep was about to take him, he peeked one eye open towards the window and realized he hadn't signaled Happy as he said he would. Natsu was sure his partner would chew him out for the transgression come morning.

He spared another, tired glance at Lucy and figured it was worth it.

* * *

**Written for _Cutest-Celestial-Princess_ on Tumblr!**  
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